Woke up this morning with a bit of sweat. A first in 4 months.
When I was a child, sweating to me was a good indication and a way to rid of disease. When I was in the city, I would walk a few kilometers and have very little to no sweat. I knew something was wrong. I thought maybe I was just dehydrated? But I knew something was amiss in my system. I noticed this around the same time I refused medication.
The past week has been miraculous to me. I never felt so sick and so well at the same time.
Since I started Qi Gong, I have been having sharp pains in my joints, the tips of my fingers, and the bottom of my feet. I have also had sharp pains near my gallbladder, but ridding of waste had never been easier after. I had heavy back pains, but I can feel my back now. There were times when I felt my skin to be overly-sensitive — that kind of feeling when you’re about to get a flu. It was remarkable near my abdomen. I’ve skipped too many meals in the past, I guess.
I couldn’t put words into it then, but I can now: I felt like a cold carcass — in mind, body, and spirit. It was as if I was a cold machine with a beating center. When I was taking Tolanz, I couldn’t think. I always felt cold, and sometimes couldn’t even make my muscles move. In spirit, I was dead, devoid of hope, always asking everyday “when will this end?”
What have I done to myself?
The Chronicles of Era Blues 