Last night was something else. I was winding down with my cousin when I felt sleepy after about an hour of taking meds. I tried to get up to move to my room when I felt my heart palpitate, I can feel it pounding so hard my eyesight was a blur, my head, heavy. I felt a rush of blood to the head. I sat to where I was standing, laid down on the floor for a few minutes to let it subside, then carefully stood up to move up to my room.
I remember reading Big Magic about a couple of years ago, and I remember a part there where Gilbert mentioned something about choosing a shit sandwich. What she meant was, when you’re in a creative endeavor, there’s always a con to what you choose to do. So if you’re a musician, you have to deal with being tired from being always on the road. If you’re doing something else, there’s a con to that, too, somewhere. You get the idea. Then I realized, it could be applicable to every other choice you make in your life.
In my choice to change medications, this is quite a shit sandwich I’m taking. When I was taking Tolanz, it was weight gain, bad sleeping patterns, and a recurrence of psychosis after taking out the drug. With Quetiapine, it’s quite a ride. So much so that sometimes you’d question if you’ll live long enough to have grandchildren. Lol.
Really, life is short.
The more I find myself in these situations, the more resolute I find myself in getting things done for myself, the more I am compelled to take chances. When you’re faced with uncertainty, it either pushes you back to under your rock, or, with the limited time that you have left, take every waking moment to be more firm in your self-discipline, more enthusiastic with your joie de vivre, more loving and generous in your relationships, and more compassionate with yourself.
When things like this happens, you’ll start to realize, that you really only have one day at a time.
I’m only thankful I woke up today.
May this shit sandwich leave me full. Lol.
Good morning. 🙂
The Chronicles of Era Blues 