Palm trees. Erykah Badu. Ruminations on a hot afternoon.

I picture myself back in the city, stuck in a 9-5 job. I think back about what it was that I hated about that kind of job when I was in the BPO industry. Apart from the bad traffic to and fro work, the daily commute is really something nowadays. Then I picture myself having lunch with colleagues who do not have the same understandings as I do, who are grounded on the mundane. Maybe it’s about time I do get on that plane?

What makes me think that this time, I will be tamed? I am excited to have a different kind of fulfillment this time, but I am also skeptical. I ask too many questions before I dip my toe into something and it includes working the 9-5. I guess, I just couldn’t contain the lethargy. I’ve always looked for growth and something that truly needs me, something I can pour myself into with all the passion and determination that I have bottled up, just as I have in the first 10 years of my working life.

But isn’t it that, as I have said before, this life doesn’t reward passion but consistency? Isn’t it so, that I have always found fulfillment and happiness in the many lives that I have lived, in the metamorphic process of finding my truth and really truly living this one life that I have outside the confines and expectations of society, and of my elders? Why does it seem like I find myself in a slump, disappointed in shackling myself to just one goal in mind everyday, when it promises the stability that I claim to seek? Why is it that there’s something in me that tells me to prepare to get jaded? Lol.

If there’s one thing I swear by, that is to deny mediocrity in all its forms and seek like-minded people who are enthusiastic and passionate in what they do wherever I go. The challenge is to really choose who you spend your time with, especially if you easily contract their vibes. I fear, of all things, to get drowned in mediocrity in the journey to normalcy. More than anything, I am afraid to lose myself, my spark, my life force, enthusiasm, and the courage to do things differently as I follow norms and get boxed in. It makes me sad.

When the free bird is to be caged, she cries.